Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want nice things and good sex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
