this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize