Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
