She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
