she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would fuck him just for his dog
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
