i would punch a child for taco bell
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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