the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
