Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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