maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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