he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
