So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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