my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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