everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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