I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
