My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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