I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you had me at cake vodka
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
