First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
