Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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