i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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