Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
