a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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