My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
