If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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