I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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