Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
