dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I met the friendliest cop last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
is it fun? or sober?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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