come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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