I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
