Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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