I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
