you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
