Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
