That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
