As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
