I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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