just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
