More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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