I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
