so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
