Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
