there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
