Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
