When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
