He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
