my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
