Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
