I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
