I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
