You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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