im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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