I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
