At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
