I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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