somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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