I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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