I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
