why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
