Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
