Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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