Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
