That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
