i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
