i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
