so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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