someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i already hear my dad disowning me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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