I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
