it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
