...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
