There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize