life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
