Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
