i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
