I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize