In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
