im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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