In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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