Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
