I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
