I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
