She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
