I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
