1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
