I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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