I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
