I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
