I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
