god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
