i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
