The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
