you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
