THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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