Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize