I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
