good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
