So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
