So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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