i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
