Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
