Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
