The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
