so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize