so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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